The Ultimate Backstory Thread.

Guys.

Where did you find ICEN's crack? Because I want in.

FerrumSlash was a simple ordinary person. 8 years old, surrounded by the waifus everyone dreams of.

Sadly, they each became more and more jealous of every other waifu. Slowly they began to turn on each other, until one spoke up.

"Wait, why are we angry at each other? It's natural instinct to go for what we love...but FerrumSlash is the one who isn't choosing!"

Cornered by the waifus, Ferrum retorts, "but..but...I can't choose just one..."

Fueled by the rage of not being chosen, they banded together and slayed FerrumSlash, whose soul now is trapped in the very place he met them to begin with - SmiteFire.

Some say you still see the account commenting on things from time to time. People have simply learned to accept it.

In the depths of hell, where no weeaboo dares to tread...

(That was a response to FerrumSlash, sorry that I don't know how SmoteFire works yet.)

Uh, I'll do one for both of the above that responded to Ferrum to not make it too messy.

"That little man that lives in the cemetery on the old hill, has anyone actually seen him?"

Big McGill (whose nickname was given to him because of his tendency to speak highly of his false escapades) chuckles in the corner. "Of course, I, Big Mcgill, have ventured forth into the great unknown, and I have indeed met with that old man. Of course, it's me! It's only natural that such bravery and dashing handsomeness would dare to challenge himself!"

A groan fills the room.

"Just don't tell anyone else... okay?"

"It all started with my own bravery. 'Twas a dark and stormy night. The patter of rain continued to bombard the tiles of my oh so cozy home. Normally, it is the pitter patter of the rain that lulls me to sleep, yet, I was still restless. The spirit in me wanted adventure!"

"Get to the ****ing point."

"Ah, yes, yes, _sorry. Well, uh... I guess I can skip the part where I beat up a band of thugs, kill the godfather with my own bare hands, fist bump Batman and-"

"**** sake McGill."

"RIGHT, sorry, I was just reveling in my most masculine of achievements. I started my trek towards the top of the hill. Every step I took would be met accompanied with an unpleasant squelching of mud and soggy grass. As I kept on walking, a giant flash of light tore apart the umbra black sky filled with an abyss of darkness, blinding me. I could not see. My lack of vision for those few seconds only seemed to strengthen the blows of the rain pelting on me. I felt them more. As I managed to reorient myself, I continued through the thick shroud of rain that limited my vision. Every squelch seemed slower and lower pitch. Was this fatigue? Of course not, I'm only the most masculine of all men, like the time I wrestled a bear, beat Arnie in an arm wrestle and-"

"We don't care McGill."

"Pardon me for simply trying to enhance the story _{impatient bastards}. Now... Right. Another flash of light, not so blinding as the first one, helped illuminate the path. I briefly saw the silhouette of the sinister chapel in which the old man lived in. It was not a particularly big church. In fact, it was very simple. I contained only a single steeple that was above the small wooden door. The steeple, the whole church in fact, was made of inconsistent, jagged, pure black stones. They were connected by a dark grey cement that seemed to be hastily applied, with inconsistent sizes and overflowing of it. Atop the steeple lay a silver cross, somewhat rusty, yet it glistened with the combination of water and lightning. The cemetery itself was small. It contained numerous tombs, some dug up, but all were of the same black colour of the church bricks. It was surrounded by a rusted, unexceptional fence, that was also painted purely black. In the center of the repetitive, linear rows was a very small, gazebo like structure, uniform in colour to the rest of the church and cemetery, but a small flame burned in the center of it. Like hell I know why it was still burning. A particularly black raven was sitting on a splintered sledgehammer stuck into the ground. The tremble of thunder and lightning continued."

"I approached the door. It was small, arched in shape. There were a few splinters and chunks missing from it, but it was firmly held together by, surprise surprise, wide, black strips of metal bolstered by uneven screws. Having the amount of courage that I possess, I did not hesitate a second to enter."

"The door slowly creaked open, and I peered inside. An old man was sitting on the pew, facing towards to alter. A single candle burned on the alter. No other light source was in the church other than the lightning coming in."

"The little old man stood up. He was very small in stature. He was short, thin, yet had a disproportionately large head. He wore large glasses that magnified the size of his eyes. He wore a white shirt shirt, grey pants and thick, brown leather suspenders. He opened his mouth."

"A friendly, whimsical voice came out, "Howdy there! I don't get many visitors, especially of your age around here! Oh, please do make yourself at home. I really wasn't expecting visitors in this time and this type of weather, so I haven't prepared any tea. Would you like milk, sugar?""

"I spent the rest of the night speaking with him, sipping away at my tea, no milk or sugar to feel that extra oomph and make feel like a man. We spoke and played checkers. He really was a friendly old chap, like one of those really awesome grandpas you get. He offered to stay the night, and while I didn't like the idea of being a fourteen year old and sleeping in a priest's house, I took the offer and slept near the fireplace. The next day was sunny, and I said my farewells to the generous old man and walked back home. I really ought to visit him again..."

Big McGill sweeps his eyes over the room, and is met with nothing but a mix of agitated eyes and closed eyes due to the boredom that was invoked among the people.

"That was the lamest story that I have ever heard. **** sake McGill."

A complex, mentally disturbed creature, Buddha grew up in Crimea until the fateful day when Joseph Gorbachev invaded, making it property of Russia. As such he fled to 'stralia where he absorbed the spirit of the ancient kangaroo that taught him how to be a prostitute. However he rejected his Senpai's teachings and instead came to the forum to spread his Aussie wisdom before he became a mod and went mad with power turning the site into a giant cheeseburger directed by Michael Bay.

He now sits atop a hill in 'sralia where he looks upon the chaos that has become of Crimea after it was re-invaded by Putin only to sob and weep as he remembers how he could have gone the other way and pleased senpai. Either way he's a T-bone steak and a genuine grill gamer.