9/21/2012

So I figure since I intend on being around some I should give out the funny things that seem to just fall into my lap. I promise that all stories and all details unless needing to be changed to protect someone or something, shall all be 100% truth and accurate. I say that because, well, this first one that we are starting off with is a bit hard to believe.

I had to go to court this morning for a crime that was committed by myself. Nothing serious and no one was killed or anything pretty simple stupid stuff. Anyway, I got there and was called up and the judge asked me if I was there to face charges or change his oil. You see I just threw on jeans, nice looking jeans, but jeans none the less. I said "Im sorry sir?" But ALMOST had that "The **** you just say to me" tone. He repeats it and I say back, well I can change your oil but that means you dropping all charges. He laughs, yes thats right folks he laughed. THIS was his downfall as I knew that this could be good for me.

He reads me my rights, goes through charges and what happens if I do what. Do I want a lawyer, I dont fit for a deferred program and asks how my record looks. Lucky for me first time being in trouble, ever. So he asks how I plea and Im a stickler for truth and if you did something fess up for it. The punishment wasnt so bad for guilty so I plead that and waived my rights for a lawyer and such. He asks what and why I did. I explain the story to him, but with a twist. A sad twist if you will, one that would tug on the old mans heart strings a bit. Give me some leverage and some hope possibly. Short version, I was jobless homeless living with a buddy and had no family to fall back on. This judge, looks at me and has the ******** guts to say to me "Im good at reading people and knowing when they are sorry and when they are liars, I feel for you and really it wasnt a serious crime in the grand picture. Ill have you do community service for your fines, drop all charges and I also have a gift for you. Please approach the bench"

Im ****ing standing there, in the courtroom of maybe 11 other people plus 3 dudes that were from the county jail. THIS **********er hands me $20 and says, I feel for you and I see you are in a rough spot of life. Im not an old bitter man and I am here to help. Take that and I refuse to take no for an answer. Take that and buy your buddy some beer for letting you stay at his place. Buy some food for yourself or something.

I was then asked to take a seat, the lady comes over with paperwork for the CS and I fill it out and walk home. Now you see this is where the story gets even better. Know the saying bad things come in 3s? Well guess that also means good things and I am just waiting for number 3. I walk into Subway with the judges personal $20 and get lunch. There is this amazing girl infront of me, easily a 8. Obviously do the 2 second rule, for those that dont know what that is your fathers and friends have failed you. You look at a girl for NOMORE than 2 seconds. Anyway she turns around smiles at me and I flash a smile back. She gets her food Im in the middle of ordering my sandwich when this chick walks back up to me after she had paid for her food and gave me her number.

So kids, what was the morale of this story?
Apparently crime does pay, with cash and beautiful girls.