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A Noobs Guide To Playing Big and Sucking Hard

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Smite God: Neith

Build Guide Discussion (16) More Guides

Purchase Order

First Purchase

Build Item Warrior Tabi Warrior Tabi
Build Item Meditation Cloak Meditation Cloak
Build Item Healing Potion Healing Potion
Build Item Healing Potion Healing Potion

Build Item Warrior Tabi Warrior Tabi
Build Item Heavenly Wings Heavenly Wings
Build Item Deathbringer Deathbringer

Build Item Rage Rage

Build Item Adventurer's Blade Adventurer's Blade
Build Item Winged Blade Winged Blade
Build Item Shifter's Shield Shifter's Shield
Build Item Shifter's Shield Shifter's Shield

Noob City USA

Yo sukka *** fish playas coming into a MOBA like SMITE, perhaps for the first time, I offer you greetings and salutations!!! Hail oh ill-informed, shy and curious, may i even hazard IGNORANT, NooB. 'Abandon all hope all NooBs who enter here' (said something akin to that on the gates of hell in the 3rd part of Dantes classic piece of western literature.
All i can say my blissfully unaware is good luck and I pray thee haveth tougher skin than I. You will quickly become aware that sucking balls in this game will get u nowhere! And when i say nowhere i meanno friends, no help, no fans, no fun!!! I sucked so bad when i first started playing this game (and it really hasnt improved to much better than when i started) I had no idea that MOBA was even a ****ing thing. I thought that they were talking about the MOAB dessert in UTAH. NOPE.. And these MOBA diehards aren't no mormons either!!1( although they might be polygamist)
When i first started playing this and mobas in general i was apalled at the cursing and swearing and trhreatening that went on. I was like '**** you mofackers!!! I'm new and ****' well, being 'new' is not tolerated in MOBAS just for all you new people to understand: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE NEW! YOU MUST HAVE BEEN BORN WITH THE ABILITY AND KNOW HOW TO PLAY SMITE NOT ONLY TECHNICALLY ACCURATE BUT ALSO WELL!!! So good kuck to all you NooBs.

Concerning the disrespect condoned and spammed to Noobs
Heres a few pieces of advice fomr the Ball?Snax:

1. If your sucking bad immediately find the best person on your team and start making up faults your seeing in his game. Heres a few standards (dont worry bout what they mean now) : 'Yo *char name*, be careful and stop stealing my kills'
'Damn *char name* suck is calling and it wants its ballz back'
'CMON BRO!!! PAY ATTENTION AND USE UR ULT IN TANDUM @#$!!'

2. Find another noob to team up with and do 3 v 3 joust all day long (if u can find 3 noobs) and all of you noobs immediately start accusing more veteran players of making mistakes and start cursing at them so on and so forth so that everyone else on the team thinks you must know what ur talking bout since all of u guys are complaining bout same guy.
3. Always respond or never respond to 'shi talkin' . Either always respond, or plz, never respond. I make it a habit to not only repsond but to respond x10. Ill make it so u dont ever wanna talk **** to a new player again in fear of him attaching itself to you like the jaws of a pitbull. I will continue long into the night talking **** long after everyone has went home and gone to bed. I am that bored.


Now those were just quick fixes and good **** talking strategies, but to really learn this game your gonna need to find gods you like and study their builds here at smitefire.com. Bookmark this page!!! and watch youtube videos on smite god gameplay (pick your god and search it on youtube) listen to what those **** monkeys gotta say. Check out twitch.tv and watch guttersmut videos (nahhh dont unless you wanna suck more) but twitch offers gameplay. Do co-op missions at first and fight bots so as not to feel too much pressure or just dive head first and fight people. You might as well considering bots do not fight even a lil like real players!!

I say find a god u can deal with and stick with em for a week or two until u can familiarize urself with the layout of smite and its individual games and gods and lingo..
Dontbe a ****in bully to people plz i mean cmon i was soo mad the first time i played this gane i wanted to ring the persons neck who was talking all sorts of **** on me for sucking noob style until i found out he was like 11 years old and i was like 'oh yah.. ****' So remember this is full of stoopid *** kidz who dont know any better, and if the parents are on and reading this **** you dont know any better either you ball sucking bullys' You guys wouldnt last 5 seconds in real life toe 2 toe w a real mofacker like yours truly. So keep up faking the funk you ********s!!!

Included in this is a item build for neith that is simple easy. Get yopur warrior tabi boots first click then meditation and a couple heals, which will get you to where u can finish off tabi boots and start in on deathbringer (if u must by sprint to help u run away). Fight and kill and save and buy until u can buy deathbringer, then rage, then go over and get your winged sword which will give you lifesteal and cooldown. Sometimes i just keep buying all the tops from deathbringers menu. Dont it doesnt help if u want more damage buy jotuns wrath menu tops!!! Just auto-level your skills for NEITH.. AND ONLY FOR NOW AND ONLY IF YOUR A NOOB! The auto-skill here for neith alone seems to work out sufficiently enough to get by for a bit!!!

Sop play hard ladies and gentleman!! Talk **** HARD!! And PUT a STOP to UNWED WHINERs!!!

NO ****ING WHINING!!! and for all you who continuously spam 'Retreat!!' in game.... Plz ***n stop you telling me to retreat doesnt even in the slightest make me wanna. 'Behind you' works finwe but 'retreat' is just ****in annoying especially when uyour sitting on the button cuz u wanna feel important and act like your a precious piece - a necessary cog- to the well oiled machine - that has become your team.. YOU ARE!! BUT YOUr 'RETREAT' spam isnt plzz ****ing stop. spam everything wlse just nmot that. no point

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guttersmut | June 12, 2014 8:03am
Stompa wrote:

First of all you propably should get some professional help with those anger issues. Second I know the flaming that noobs receive I have got it too but it helps to tell your team BEFORE the game starts that you are new not after you feeded badly and lost the game for them. That reduces the flame significantly.



This up here is a great guide. Ballsnax your just comedy. Love it and wanna see some more
1
[-]
guttersmut | June 12, 2014 8:00am
This is just absolutely ri****!!!.. Holy mother f' in mole-eee. What the f are you talking about I love this guide and we need some more of this stuff BALLSNAX!!! Dood you must be higher than sh!t. You actually do this stuff?? Your my hero dood keep up the good work. This stuff is comedy. EVERYONE UPVOTE THIS!!! (keep that stuff light) Ballsnax stay up
1
[-]
BallSnax | June 7, 2014 1:33am
Stompa wrote:

First of all you propably should get some professional help with those anger issues. Second I know the flaming that noobs receive I have got it too but it helps to tell your team BEFORE the game starts that you are new not after you feeded badly and lost the game for them. That reduces the flame significantly.



True I'll admit, however, some of theses noobs have no idea the serious time and effort that goes into learning smite, and the dedication necessary to become any good at it let slone a formidable opponent. Furthermore, if your a noob to all MOBAs chances are you have no idea whats going on (i.e., you dont know what "feeding" is and you sure do not know how to tell your teammates before game launch that your a noob! More n likely theyre just pressing buttons trying to figure out how to get a game started/ And plz, can we all refrain from the word "flaming" in reference to "hazing" noobs get.
1
[-]
Therrion | June 3, 2014 9:21am
THANKS DUDE WAS LOOKING FOR GUIDE TO SMIET.
1
[-]
Greenevers (105) | June 3, 2014 8:53am
Devampi wrote:

This isn't even worthy of A vote


I'd upvote too :3
1
[-]
Devampi (87) | June 3, 2014 7:55am
Pentargonite wrote:

I'd upvote.


This isn't even worthy of A vote
1
[-]
Pentargonite (62) | June 3, 2014 7:05am
I'd upvote.
1
[-]
Stompa (1) | June 3, 2014 3:44am
First of all you propably should get some professional help with those anger issues. Second I know the flaming that noobs receive I have got it too but it helps to tell your team BEFORE the game starts that you are new not after you feeded badly and lost the game for them. That reduces the flame significantly.
1
[-]
Kalafalafakah (3) | June 3, 2014 2:15am
Okay.... I don't believe this was truly meant to help newcomers but if it was... then well there is already a guide for that and it is quite well made.

Link to said guide
http://www.smitefire.com/smite/guide/the-complete-beginners-guide-to-smite-updated-5-27-14-4724
1
[-]
Greenevers (105) | June 2, 2014 7:12pm
Firraria wrote:
what is life


This
1
[-]
Firraria (58) | June 2, 2014 6:30pm
what is life
1
[-]
BurnMojo231 (1) | June 2, 2014 6:28pm
Forever alone guide edition.
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League of Legends Build Guide Author BallSnax
A Noobs Guide To Playing Big and Sucking Hard
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