After lying in my bed, re-evaluating my life, something occurred to me. As of the current knowledge we as humans possess right now, it is impossible to prove the consciousness of another human being. And after thinking about this a lot more, this really hurt me. You see, after realising this, I have actually come to the belief that, and yes, this is really self-centered and arrogant, I have reluctantly come to the belief that I could be the only one in this universe with a conscience. The people around me may not feel, they just act as if they do. They can say all they want that they do have a conscience, but I can't believe them. There is no way to prove it, and therefore, I live my life occasionally feeling lonely that I could very well be the only thing in this world with a conscience.
But you see, if this were the case, it would be awful. I don't want to think that I'm the only thing with a conscience here, that, when my inevitable end comes, this world will be left with nothing but soulless vessels. Now, considering this is what I believe in and how much I don't want to accept this as a possible fact, my favourite word, and this may be really odd to you, my favourite word is sonder, a sudden realisation that everyone around is living their own lives, their own excitements, their own reactions to things, their own feelings. I don't want to think that each person, no matter how minuscule the amount of time that we interact with each other is, does not realise that I exist. They see me, but do they really see me? Do they actually acknowledge my existence, or do they not possess the ability to? Now, considering how as of right now, I am questioning the mere existence of people right now, that would make me avoidant of people, but no, when it just comes to my say to day lives, I go to what I have accepted for these 14 years of my life, and it is much easier that way.
Now, the next thing is that I have a belief that everything in this universe exists for a reason, but the reason could be as simple as knowing it's name, or reading it in a book. But you see, when you learn about something for the first time, something new, a completely new thing, becomes added to your world. Isn't that just an absolutely fantastic thing to think about it. Something entirely new, something that previously did not exist to you, now exists. Something just suddenly exists. But you see, that may also be the opposite. So many things do not exist in my world right now, and that scares me. That there are things that are still yet to be in my eyes. Countless universes, galaxies, planets, stars, places, towns, objects, people, traditions, theories, problems, words, so many things that are out there that currently don't exists for me. But they will soon, and that just excites me, that so many things will suddenly be, it really is just fantastic in my opinion, yet frightening that there are things out there that do not exist to me, heck, things out there that do not exist to mankind.
I am also a believer of a set destiny. People say change your destiny and all that jazz, but when someone does make an attempt to change their destiny, I believe it's simply destiny making the specific event happen so that they can keep living their lives onto their inevitable destiny. I believe it's predetermined from birth. You can not change it. Your future, your joy, your misfortune, your important life events is already set out for you from the moment you come into existence, and it is set.
Finally, this is a more commonly talked about topic, and it's religion. As you probably can tell, I love taking shots at religion, at just how simply absurd most of it is. But you see, I think it's absurd, but I don't have any problems with it. If people want to believe in Jesus, then I say amen to that. If people want to be atheist, then I say hallelujah, someone sane. I have no interest in religion, so when someone else tries to enforce their laws, rules and ways to live by on my life, that is when I really hate religion. You see, I go to a Catholic school, not to learn religion, but because it happened to be one of the best schools in Victoria. I didn't go there to learn about Jesus, so why the **** do they keep cramming it down our throats. Most of the kids at my school don't give a damn about Catholicism, and treat it as a joke. Since I'm being forced to learn religion so much, I have grown resentment towards. I mean, those who choose to follow it, I will respect their decision, but *****, you better respect mine. I do not care for your religion, stop trying to convert me. And the problem is that if my school did get their hands on this and read it, I'd probably be ex-communicated from the church and then purified to try and get the anti-christ out of me. It's just irritating when they are trying to make their ideals my ideals. I pisses me off really.
Well, that's just some of the beliefs that I have. Don't call me crazy pls.
Anyway, I'm done leaving useless comments here xD
In all seriousness, your problems aren't unique. Or otherwise special. They've been thought of before, and people have answered to them, yadda yadda.
I do think you do have a slight problem with over/underreaction though. You don't seem to react to things like most people do. For all we know, you could be the only being without a conscience. Maybe Dwfg'htn, the Disemvoweled One, has entered your mind when you were 13 years old, for the stars alined on that day, and blah blah blah.
Anyway, don't get too upset or caught up. Especially, don't let it affect how you react to the world or treat people.
wtf did i just read lol
Life, my friend.
Life.
The thoughts of all people in this world actually not exist and only controlled by something to create my own future confused and scared me. There is no way we could now about that. Even if i asked, they could lie or something. But my thought is to think it vice-versa. What if they DO exist? I certainly want me to treat them good if i were them. So, why not keep helping them and do the best for both of us.
Yeah, things that we thought doesn't exist that actually exist excite me too. It's like a scientist in the old time who doesn't know what atoms or molecules are. We just need to wait patiently like we waited Fenrir to come out (yet).
About destiny, there might be it or not. Whichever is true, living life to the best is the best way to do because we don't know what actually true, and if it do exist, at least we have enjoyed our life, if it doesn't exits, that's good. What's the downside of it?
Finally about religion. Me myself is a Christianth. To some extent i sometimes think if it actually exist too. BUT, in my deep heart, i want to believe my best. I believe though but still have some theories of other things. Finally, i don't know there are really any rule to Christianth. Maybe only the 10 rules. But it is all logical and good so i mean, it isn't bad for some people to follow it. I do understand (i think) what atheist thought and i think i can relate to that. I had a friend in my class who is a Buddhism but somehow he knew about Christianth history more than me. In conclusion, religion is not always bad. The real rules are great. The things about bombing for Muslims and anti-gay marriage for most religions are their own thought. They thought it is good/bad and they deserve to have that thought. It is almost impossible to go against someone with that believe. All you need to do is do good to everyone and just.... do your best.
(note : i think some of it are in bad structure but i am right now in school so i wrote this ASAP)
2. We ARE alone in this universe.
Both are equally terrifying."
I heard this quote before somewhere, do you by chance have any idea who that's from?
Also, Yogg-Sothoth is an interesting choice, with it's inclusion in WoW in Yogg-Saron and it's roots for Shuma-Gorath in fighting games.
All of this reminds me of the concept of the "problem of other minds". Basically, how do I know that your mind exists? I have no empirical evidence that it does. Sure, I can see feelings and emotions (through writing, of course), but I cannot see or physically notice your mind. So does it exist?
Seeing as I major in both Rels. Studies and Philosophy, this is... interesting. Each and every religion is different. Some (like Buddhism) do not have deities. Some suggest that we are all composed of the same "stuff" that the Deva and Asura (Gods/Demons respectively) are made of (I speak of the Vedic traditions).
I do agree that Christianity is shoved down people's throats. I went to a private Christian school for a year and the same thing happened to me. I have now learned not to detest Christianity, but instead to learn as much about it as possible to utterly annihilate every fallacious thought that all of the people that blindly follow a God might have. I will see it done too.
How many of them follow the metamyth of the Bible's creation myth? Do they really know how many there are? More than one, I can tell you that much. And aspects of each that someone/some people found worthwhile were put into one myth.
Concerning, isn't it?
Truthfully, I believe that if there is a God (because I cannot know this), then whoever they are left this world a long time ago. There are two possibilities, as I see them:
1. We are not alone in this universe.
2. We ARE alone in this universe.
Both are equally terrifying.
As for the philosophical aspect of this, most of us fall victim to solipsism at one point of our lives. Hell, I even wished it were true (I still do to this day). I despise most things on many an occasion, you see. Especially squirrels and children...
When I was your proclaimed age (since some people HAVE in fact lied about themselves entirely on this site, but you gave some sort of proof), I literally hated everything. I couldn't think of a time when I wanted every single person in existence (or not?) to die.
Now, I consider myself to be almost entirely hollow. I am mostly unable to feel attraction for people, I have very few emotional links, and, well, I love being a loner. I can think when alone.
Most of that is not important to the conversation, but I felt it necessary to explain anyway. The point is, you're not alone in the thought. My Philosophy teacher believes that we are all in a "Matrix". This is a very widely known philosophical issue.
Who is to say that we were not born two minutes ago, and that our memories and life were set before us? Who is to say that this is not all a dream. WE CANNOT KNOW.
The question is: What are you gonna do about it?
You are, in fact, crazy. But that's ok. You're probably not real anyway :P
But on a serious note: By definition I am atheist, as since religion was something made up by us to give reasons for things we didn't have them for, all religions are made up, strictly speaking.
However.
I feel that the power of the mind is much stronger than any of us think. I believe that if you or a group of people believe in something enough, that thing will indeed exist for the believer. So God probably does exist, but only for Christians. Allah exists for muslims, Vishnu exists for hindus, etc. And the FSM for his believers, unfortunately.
I'm gonna wrap this up now before it becomes a full-blown rant.
Wait do I?
Definitely not, I have no time for that nonsense. Send me straight to hell while I make the weirdest noises in game, say the stupidest things, and make the most inhumane jokes ever.
Oh, and in case anyone's curious, I'm a previous Presbyterian, converted Catholic, but I currently follow a sort of odd belief. I call it "Abeskiopsic" and it's a portmanteau of two ancient greek words for "Undecided" and "Follower". Basically, I'm not quite agnostic, I KNOW there's a creator in my own way, but I"m just not sure who, if anyone, has nailed the right idea of him yet.
I believe in a loose destiny - you can change minor things, but you aren't going to rewrite the stars. They were set there by someone, something, because Hawking's idea that just like electrons, universes phase in and out of reality is too scientifically unbased and, in my own way, I feel that's his own religion. I feel like something had to come from somewhere, and it gives me purpose. But still, I do not know if he's "buddha" (an incarnation of vishnu, more or less), "YHWH", "Allah", "God", or hell, even the "Flying Spaghetti Monster". He might not even be omnipotent or a perfect, infallible god. He might just be someone who has at least enough power to create the universe, and that's it. He might not care past that. He might not be a nice guy. But he created everything, and that's all I know.
Anyway, Yeah, I don't have a conscience but I"m here ;)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solipsism
By definition, you're right, there's no way to prove that someone that's not yourself has a conscience. If fact, there's no way to prove that you have a conscience yourself! what if you're not sentient, that random coincidences between non-conscious things makes you think you are?
As you see, this rapidly degenerates into an insatiable curiosity of what "sentience" actually is and means. And that is a twisty road, believe me.