The different types of Streamers: The content-free guide to Streamers

Greetings! My name is Dacoqrs, and this is my guide to the different types of streamers we see on Twitch all the time. I'm glad to say that this guide, while completely unrelated to playing Smite, will certainly allow you to navigate Twitch 500000x easier. Enjoy!





(Oh and by the way, technically this is a guide to Smite. Technically. >.>)

Have you ever noticed that we can classify the streamers into stereotypes? Of course we can! I'm sure that's all you think about when you go on Twitch. So yea, each individual chapter is for one stereotype. Read on, it's good. I promise.

Ah, yes. The number one streamer. Drybear? Squiddish? Them people. Typically they will play music in the background (never loud enough to hear), have an obnoxiously large page on their channel, and stream 24/7. In addition, all the major gaming companies spam them with emails saying stuff like "PLEASE STREAM GAME PLOX". Sometimes they are as good as they seem, but usually they aren't. See category number 2 and 3 for further clarification on what type of big name streamer we are talking about.

HOW NOT TO BE A BIG NAME STREAMER: I... I don't know. Be less annoying. Be cool. Cool like a Klon**** bar...?

I did the favor and censored the name for you before you could get to it. Yes, the tourney***. These people are the "elitist" players who only play as the best of the best gods. The only thing they commentate on is how good they are and how everyone needs to pay attention to how they play Smite. They pretty much run the same comp in Ranked every time (The best gods), especially when with others of their own kind. Most of the time they aren't as good as they let on, and when they do bad, they say stuff like "I'm getting streamsniped" or "This guy is making me lag." They constantly say things like, "OMG HE PICKED Vamana WHAT A NUB" or, "WHOOPS WE GOT Ah Muzen Cab GG WE LOSE" Basically it's that guy who invented the phrase "Surrender at the 10"

In general, it's the person that you post about on Smitefire with the thread title of, "So I ran into this ***hole last match..."


How to not be a Tourney***: Read this article in it's entirety: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=*******

Ah, yes. The Semi-Attractive Female. These female gamers take advantage of teenage-male gamers uncontrollable hormones and men's desire to look at women to make their channel insanely popular. Typically they suck at the game they play, wear revealing clothing, and laugh every half second. Probably the least abundant but equally as annoying streamers on Twitch. And when I say they suck at the game, I mean like, 0-12 suck. With freaking Hercules. But it doesn't matter cause "*giggle* well at least I tried!"

How to not be a semi-attractive female: .. I'm not even gonna say anything for this one. Oh, Semi-Attractive female. We hate you, but we love you so much.

Teenage Males. Ah, yes. Seen wearing Headsets too big, chewing gum, and swearing every other word. Typically they either fall into category 6 or 7, but can also possibly be 2. Also, expect voice cracks every half second and some serious ragequitting.

How to not be a Teenage Male: HIT PUBERTY BEFORE YOU STREAM LOL

Good Guy Greg. That kind friendly streamer who is decent at the game, and is friendly to everyone. They love having a good time, can try out crazy strategies, and have a good time interacting with their audience.

THIS SPECIES IS GOING EXTINCT ON TWITCH. HUNTING THEM IS ILLEGAL IN 49 STATES.

Yes, the emotional loser. What do I mean by that, you ask? I mean, the guy who doesn't ragequit, the guy who cries. He doesn't yell and scream and tell everyone on their team that their mom is fat and that they should uninstall Smite. Instead, the guy who is like, "Wow. This game is just so.... wow. Wow. This game is.... wow. I can't even..... wow. I mean, ...... wow. Wow. I just can't.... wow. This is so..... wow. I mean wow. I think I'm just gonna.... wow. Wow. I can't even. Wow. I think I'm done for now. *Ends stream*"

FEEL FREE TO LAUGH AT THEM FOR BEING BAD.

How not to be an emotional loser: Stop sucking.

Whiny Willy? His stream is much much different, than Emotional Losers. Instead, he either ragequits extremely hard:



"THIS GAME IS ****" "THIS GOD IS ****" "THIS MAP IS ****" "MY LIFE IS ****"


Or, if he truly wants to live up to the name "Whiny":



"WAAAAAAA WAAAAAAA WAAAAAA Loki NEEDS A NERF WAAAAA WAAAA He Bo TOOO STRONK WAAAAA WAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

How not to be a Whiny Willy: See advice for category 6.

An odd specimen indeed. The Hi-Rez streamer is extremely popular on twitch, usually streaming on the most watched channels. As calm as they seem, they have some symptoms of being poor quality streamers. They're all really minor though. Sometimes they yell about getting stream sniped and randomly start banning smite accounts. See, really, only minor stuff like that.

How to not be the Hi-Rez Streamer: Either take anger management classes or stream for Riot Games.

I'll add more later. Promise. Maybe. I don't know. Hope you had a laugh. Feel free to label streamers now using this guide. I hope I helped.

(PS. Don't tell anyone I said this, but semi-attractive female is attractive :P)

1/30/14: Published
5/1/14: Added more info on Tourney***.
5/4/14: Added more bits on information to the guide. In addition, I added Raventhor's suggestions in and added semi-useful (lol) advice on how to not be on of these stereotypes. I'm not sure if I like it, though. I don't know. By the way, can anyone ask out semi-attractive female for me? I'm not really good at talking to women... xD
7/2/14: Added more info to Big Name Streamer.
9/4/14: Added the Hi-Rez streamer
??/??/??: Gets banned from Smitefire for making this guide. GG.